The House of Sex, Death, and Politics

In astrology, sex, politics, and death share the same house, the area of the sky where politicians climb into bed with one another and usually die a miserable political death.  People say there’s nothing to astrology, but those ancient sky watchers must have known or thing or two.  They could have predicted the behavior of John F. Kennedy, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Anthony Weiner.

Sex and politics certainly do make strange bedfellows, as witnessed by the antics of Anthony “Teenie Weenie” Weiner.  In this Information Age, Weiner definitely gave us too much information.  In a poll yesterday on Fox News, respondents declared overwhelmingly that their representatives should not use social media.  And no, I have not seen the photos and will not look.  OMG!  TMI!

Is there a full moon that we have all these politicians running amok?  Do they possess some mental defect, some uncontrollable impulse beneath their expensive suits, smooth talk, and confident smiles that drives them to behave badly?  Do they have some extra idiot chromosome that changes places with the common sense chromosome, like the Philadelphia chromosome, replicating itself until it overwhelms their system, spreading like an incurable malady?

America is years over the debt red-line, running on empty.  The gas pump is ringing up the sale, but nothing is coming out of the pump; its bone dry.  The Middle East is on fire.  Iran is nuking up and we’re throwing Israel under the bus.  Tornadoes are ripping up the country from Oklahoma to Massachusetts.  Food prices are soaring.  The Mahdi is getting ready to make his entrance.  Jesus is shaking his head.

But we’re entranced by the prospect of the Weinerschnitzel doing a self-check of his anatomy.  This isn’t a scandal; this is a nightmare.  Somebody, please, wake us up and tell us this is all just a bad dream.  Ex-governors with love children.  Current governors taking unnecessary flights on state helicopters to high school baseball games.  Presidential candidates obsessed with birth certificates, shouting profanities.  And these are the Republicans!

What misalignment of planets is afflicting the horoscope of the United States?  I thought I espied a full moon a few nights ago.  But it must be Saturn.  That’s the planet of discipline and it’s retrograde in Libra (decision-making).  However, it’s slowing down, going stationary, as we say in the business, and then it’ll go direct on June 13.  The day can’t come soon enough.

Until then we should put all politicians and political candidates (Weinerschnitzel is said to be contemplating running for mayor of New York City.  New York already has the Naked Cowboy; it’s been called the Naked City; it doesn’t need a Naked Mayor) on curfew.  They must remain indoors, at home from dusk to dawn.  During daylight hours, they must be accompanied by an adult.  After nightfall, they must surrender all their cellphones and electronic and computer devices.  Finally, they must be put back on their meds until this crisis is over.