Christmas List 2011 - A Free Education

Santa, darling, it was such a busy weekend, what with the concert and all, that I didn’t have time to write over the weekend.  I do wish you could bring me new neighbor for Christmas, one who can mind his or her own business.  I left some kibbles out for Princess and Elvis.  I left in on a plastic freezer bag so as not to leave a mess.  When I came out, the Harpy had left a pile of nails in the place of the kibbles.  Our little friends are starving, Santa.  I need help.  They need help.

Anyway, what I wanted to write about was a free education.  In particular, I would like a master’s degree in History.  I never wanted one before.  My company offered me a master’s, but an MBA only.  The MBA is the Boss’ degree.  I don’t want to be a boss.  If I must spend the time studying, I want the subject to be such as will hold my interest and also be of benefit to the community in the future.

History, despite what anyone else might say, fits that bill.  With a master’s in History, I could edit books or even teach someday.  No one is taking care of our history, Santa.  No one cares.  What students today know about history, or remember, could fill a thimble.  An elf’s thimble.  People who don’t remember history are doomed to repeat it.  The teachers today are communists.  They don’t want people to remember history.  They want students to forget about the honor and sacrifice of freedom.

If someone doesn’t stop them, they’ll make slaves of us all.  Our economy is in tatters thanks to their redistribution of the wealth. They scorn property rights and individual liberties.  Sharing should be a matter of conscience, not compulsion.  Our industry and our jobs are going away.  Our government allows up to two years of unemployment, which places a tremendous tax burden on the remaining workers, and further alienates businesses.  After two years, those who still can’t find a job from which they can make a living are forced onto public welfare.  There are new rules about it though.  Those going from unemployment to welfare must perform “community service” working for the very “entitlement” welfare recipients who taxed our economy out of business in the first place.

I don’t want that to happen to me, Santa.  Nor do I want it to happen to future generations.  They must be made to understand why freedom and liberty are so important and why communism is an illusion and a delusion.  This gift seems to be one that you may be able to deliver.  My brother says that our state colleges will allow unemployment recipients to take classes for free as long as there are seats available.

You might think me unscrupulous, Santa, taking something for nothing.  I consider it a form of payback, a positive vengeance towards all those who laughed at me when I said we were in trouble and that they needed to pay more attention and those who ravaged our economy and left me in this sorry state.  The world doesn’t owe me an education.  Or do they?  People listen better when you have that advanced degree in your back pocket.

With the credentials of the master’s degree, I can teach the young the real history of America.  Even if the communists take over – which it seems they’re likely to do – there’s always rebellion.  Rebellion is a natural talent which I happen to possess.  I’ll be in my natural state.

Mom is worried about me.  She’s afraid the men in black are going to get me.  Indeed, at the supermarket yesterday, as I was backing out of the parking space, an older man stopped right behind my car to read my tea party bumper sticker.  He became quite angry, pacing back and forth, huffing and puffing, and talking to himself.  As I pulled away, he made a circle around his ear, to indicate that I was crazy.

I just laughed and drove away.  We’re about $14 trillion dollars in debt, millions of people are out of work, and he thinks I’m crazy, does he?  I’m not the confrontational type.  I’d prefer to teach those who will listen and leave the crazy people to rant and rave and plot.  In a herd of sheeple, there are always the rams, but there also ewes and lambs.  These I would use my increasing knowledge of history and facts to lead aright.

To think, this would not have been possible in any other scenario.  But it must be done quickly, Santa, for there’s very little time.  Help me get organized for an advanced degree, Santa.