A Fat-Free Government
First Lady Michele Obama wants to put every American on a fat-free, salt-free, everything-else-free diet. She’s enlisted the help of restaurant chains such as Red Lobster. She would deprive Red Lobster’s customers of their favorite fare – the restaurant’s famous biscuits.
Well, we at the Tea Party want to put the U.S. government on a diet. Like any dieter, the government balks at the notion of cutting down on its favorite foods, such as pork. They don’t seem to realize how sodium-laden pork is.
We want to trim some of the fat in government programs, too, which are bloated with useless bodies simply circulating the taxpayers’ money without providing any discernible service. Even parks have signs: Do Not Feed the Animals. Wild animals can fend for themselves and so can sentient human beings.
Nuts are another favorite food of the government. They like to fee them to the squirrels. No, not the mentally ill; we mean, colleges and universities teaching false science and inviting terrorist leaders to come speak at their podiums. We mean supporting green energy companies that can’t possibly meet our society’s energy needs. We’d be better off feeding some gerbils to run our turbines than to rely on Green Inc.’s ideas to provide alternative energy.
Finally, the government needs to cut down on its sugar, especially around election time. All that cash they hand out to community organizations and unions to garner the vote is no good for the national wasteline. Protein is the answer to keep our economy going, not sugar. Government needs to get out of the way of business so it can operate free of burdensome regulations, hire more people, and make America once again the powerhouse it once was.
Americans have a job to do, too: exercise your rights as citizens. Don’t just sit there on your Lazy Boy, watching our country fall to pieces. Get up and do something. Get involved. Exercise those citizen muscles. Give your patriotic heart a workout. If you don’t, one day you’ll find you no longer have the strength or will to get up out of your chair to protest and hold your government accountable.
Well, we at the Tea Party want to put the U.S. government on a diet. Like any dieter, the government balks at the notion of cutting down on its favorite foods, such as pork. They don’t seem to realize how sodium-laden pork is.
We want to trim some of the fat in government programs, too, which are bloated with useless bodies simply circulating the taxpayers’ money without providing any discernible service. Even parks have signs: Do Not Feed the Animals. Wild animals can fend for themselves and so can sentient human beings.
Nuts are another favorite food of the government. They like to fee them to the squirrels. No, not the mentally ill; we mean, colleges and universities teaching false science and inviting terrorist leaders to come speak at their podiums. We mean supporting green energy companies that can’t possibly meet our society’s energy needs. We’d be better off feeding some gerbils to run our turbines than to rely on Green Inc.’s ideas to provide alternative energy.
Finally, the government needs to cut down on its sugar, especially around election time. All that cash they hand out to community organizations and unions to garner the vote is no good for the national wasteline. Protein is the answer to keep our economy going, not sugar. Government needs to get out of the way of business so it can operate free of burdensome regulations, hire more people, and make America once again the powerhouse it once was.
Americans have a job to do, too: exercise your rights as citizens. Don’t just sit there on your Lazy Boy, watching our country fall to pieces. Get up and do something. Get involved. Exercise those citizen muscles. Give your patriotic heart a workout. If you don’t, one day you’ll find you no longer have the strength or will to get up out of your chair to protest and hold your government accountable.
posted by Belle | 1:38 PM
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