Belle of Liberty

Letting Freedom Ring

Thursday, January 06, 2011

Freedom of Blue Speech

“You see, I'm the enemy, 'cause I like to think; I like to read. I'm into freedom of speech and freedom of choice. I'm the kind of guy who likes to sit in a greasy spoon and wonder, "Gee, should I have the T-bone steak or the jumbo rack of barbecued ribs with the side order of gravy fries?" I WANT high cholesterol. I wanna eat bacon and butter and BUCKETS of cheese, okay? I want to smoke a Cuban cigar the size of Cincinnati in the non-smoking section. I want to run through the streets naked with green Jell-o all over my body reading Playboy magazine. Why? Because I suddenly might feel the need to, okay, pal? I've SEEN the future. Do you know what it is? It's a 47-year-old virgin sitting around in his beige pajamas, drinking a banana-broccoli shake, singing "I'm an Oscar Meyer Wiener". Edgar Friendly, leader of resistance movement in “Demolition Man”

The 1993 film “Demolition Man,” starring Sylvester Stallone and Sandra Bullock, was a movie that was just way ahead of its time. Among its other predictions, such as Arnold Schwarzenegger becoming a politician (in the movie, he’s mentioned as President of the United States), a California murderer named Scott Peterson, the prohibition of firearms (even by the police) red meat, and smoking, the big earthquake of 2012 (well, we’ll see about that one), and safe sex.

The movie’s most accurate – and hilarious – prediction is about political correctness. Offending other people in any manner is outlawed (happy, happy, joy, joy) and profanity is punishable by a fine and ticket, dispensed by ticket machines conveniently around San Angeles (a great metropolis stretching from San Diego to Los Angeles).

We don’t have to wait for 2036 for “blue” laws, however. In Pennsylvania, it’s already a crime to use profanity. In one year, Pennsylvania State Troopers wrote more than 770 citations for expletive explosions. Each ticket costs $300.

However, the ACLU reached a settlement with the Pennsylvania State Police to try to reduce the number of citations for potty mouth in the commonwealth. The ACLU had filed a lawsuit against the Pennsylvania State Police on behalf of a motorist who cursed out a motorcyclist for trying to run her down in 2008. She reported the incident to the police, who fined her for using impolite language.

Pennsylvania and the U.S. Supreme Court, in long ago rulings, held that foul language is protected as long as it is not threatening. In the settlement, the state will pay the motorist $17,500 for violating her First Amendment rights.

By golly, what a victory for the First Amendment.

My mother drove a group of students on a retreat years ago. As she was driving them back to the airport, the air in her bus grew bluer and bluer. So finally, she asked them if they planned to use that language when they went out into the business world.

“I can just hear you dictating a letter to your secretary,” she said sarcastically (yeah, it was that long ago).

“Dear Mr. Smith,

You f—ng moron. How dare you call my office to complain about our customer service? We don’t give a s—t about g-d problems. We don’t need your lousy business, you motherfudger. We’re a billion dollar business and the problems of an a-hole like you aren’t worth the dime it takes to have to listen to your whining.

As far as I’m concerned, you can take your f-ing business someplace else. You make me want to puke. I wish any poor bastard who has to try to deal with you a lot of luck, you pain in the a--. Don’t write to me again, you jerk.

Sincerely yours,   Mr. Jones.”

There was more, but I can’t remember what it was and in any case, this is a family blog. Mom really laid it on thick, though. By the time she got them to the airport, the kids were speechless.

No, there shouldn’t be a law against profanity. But we sure could try a lot harder to be polite and watch our language. My father used to say that there were thousands of better words in the dictionary – find one and use it. Anyone needs to use profanity as a method of persuasion or expression is walking through life upside down.

We also have the freedom to choose not to swear.

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