Belle of Liberty

Letting Freedom Ring

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

What a Headache!

The Media Hounds have found their new rabbit – Tea Party Republican Michele Bachmann. Now that they know she suffers from migraine headaches for which she must take medications, they’re already writing her political obituary. Incapacitated. Unable to fulfill the duties of the office of President of the United States.

Listen, if Pres. Clinton could talk with a cabinet member on the phone with Monica Lewinsky under his desk, Michele can certainly manage to perform her duties as president with an ice bag on her noggin. You’d think the Media had never heard of FDR. Or Pres. Eisenhower, who suffered a stroke during his tenure. Pres. Kennedy did it with a bad back, for which his doctor prescribed highly addictive medications. Woodrow Wilson clung to life and his presidency after suffering a stroke, with his wife standing in for him.

Being president is a tough job, guaranteed to age a person at least ten years. A candidate has to be tough, too, up for the race and the job. Especially if you’re a Republican (RINO, Conservative, Tea Party or some other variation). Republicans have to be hardier if they’re going to beat the opposition – and the Media.

Evidently some Doppelganger on her campaign staff – a former member with an apparent grudge – revealed that she suffered from such debilitating migraines that she had to be carried from events and sent to the nearest walk-in care facility. According to this Judas, she can’t travel without the pain medication.

And Pres. Clinton couldn’t travel, evidently, without an emergency sex kit.

Today’s WSJ/NBC News Poll ought to make her feel better: she is now in second place among Republican primary voters, just behind Gov. Mitt Romney. The other candidates have been sliding down the poll, putting Michele in the run for the lead. None of them, as the Media likes to put it, have “caught fire.” Of course, the Media also does everything it can possibly think of to douse the fire by throwing the cold water of doubt on any potential candidate.

Sarah Palin was red-hot. Like Sarah, Michele is a relative newcomer. Not only must she defeat the Democrat Media Machine, but factions within the Republican Party itself who like things just the way they are.

She’s just got to stop having headaches, that’s all, so she can get rid of the damning pills. Millions of people suffer from these headaches. Like the Democrats, they can be defeated and pushed back. What you have to do is marginalize them. Don’t let them become a bigger problem than they need to be. Don’t magnify their significance.

You have to be positive. These things will pass and life will return to normal. The more positive you are, the more quickly they’ll fade into history. The first battle is the hardest, but once you win it, the struggle is no longer gut-wrenching and nauseating. Your hearing is the first to clear and not suffer any longer. What the Democrats say isn’t as important as you thought it was. With your hearing restored, comes the dissipation of nausea. Since you hear no bilious rumbling, your stomach no longer turns.

The flashing lights are more difficult to subdue. I once came down with a migraine headache on the way home from a photo shoot in the City. Right there on Route 80 (hadn’t eaten beforehand). Did I head to the nearest walk-in facility? Not a chance. I knew where I was going and steered around the blind spot until I could get home. Just think to yourself, like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, “There’s no place like home. There’s no place like home.” Pretty soon, the dizzying lights fade (with the help of some aspirin) like a paparazzi’s flash.

There are some tricks to preventing the headaches from occurring in the first place. First of all, don’t use salt – on anything. That same mineral that causes high blood pressure and strokes causes migraines. But that doesn’t mean don’t eat. Eating is the second must-do. Don’t skip meals. If you have an event, eat something ahead of time. Eight o’clock is too late to be eating dinner. Having already eaten, Mr. or Ms. Politician will have more time for handshaking and back patting.

Thirdly, get enough rest. Let those treacherous flunkies who’ve volunteered for your campaign – and probably your opponent’s - do the heavy lifting and running. As for your campaign managers and assorted bean-counters, remind them that you’re the king or queen and that when it’s time for them to shut up, it’s time for them to shut up and stop harping. Tomorrow is another day. At least it will be if they leave you alone.

Finally, soothing music always helps, along with a nice cup of tea. At the end of the day, it is what it is. Try to let it go, if you can. Tie whatever mistakes you’ve made that day to the tail of an imaginary kite and then let it fly away. Or tell the mistakes to take a number and wait in line; the complaint window closes at 5.

We fellow migraine sufferers empathize with Rep. Bachmann and encourage her to hang in there: plop, plop, fizz, fizz, whatever it is, it is….

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